Have you ever noticed, sometimes as wives and even husbands, we fail to properly communicate. I believe that’s where a lot of the problems with marriages begin. However, as life pulls up in different directions, climbing the corporate ladder, building businesses, raising children, the one on one time we need with our partner falls to the waste side.As a WAHM, I complicate my simple need and ask of time with my husband. When I say complicate, I mean my communication of way off. Sometimes, we have these hit expectation of our spouses and feel we shouldn’t have to communicate things like that. It should be common sense right? In return of complicating things because of not communicating, we allow small things to turn into big things simply because we miss our spouses and their company. If you husband is like mine, he works all the time, two jobs, leaves before the crack of dawn and returns home after you and the kids are fast asleep. Leaving the communication to FaceTime, text and phone calls.
If you can be honest with yourself, can you say that, Often times, you catch myself complaining, nagging and agitating him like a BRAT. It’s not like this ever helps, only makes matters worse, but in the moment, you just do what you feel.
Quick story. Last week, after a rough morning with SJ, I called Stephen to vent which ended up with me taking out my frustrations on him. Rudely hanging up, I started to cry which ended up with me complaining to God about our situation. I promise you, the Holy Spirit checked ME before I could muster my favorite words ” It’s not fair” or my second favorite” I’M NOT A FREAKING NANY”. That ever happens to you? You start to complain about your husband, complain, nag, and take those issues to God and he shows you, that you are the real problem. I wanted to say to HIM, I didn’t come to you for this. How is the issue me, I’m doing everything I should be doing at home! Isn’t family supposed to be his first ministry Lord? You said this not me!! He checked me…again
I wanted to share a few things I realized after the Holy Spirit checked me.
- I am not the only mom, or person going through this. PERIOD. So stop complaining and figure out a way to not just get through this season but enjoy it. How often are we looking to rush through HARD seasons. Honestly, we have to ask and answer, Am I helping or hurting the situation?
- Pray more, complain less. So cliché but true. Talking to God about my feelings, helps me realize the issues I need to bring up to Stephen and the issues I need to take to God. As wives, everything we are thinking does not need to be communicated to our husbands. Another eye opener was that although we have a lot responsibilities, men do too. Who are we to judge whose job is harder? Wouldn’t it be helpful if I started to Thank God that he is using my husband at his job. That even though I need him home, God needs him at that job for a reason. Not just to provide for his family but for something bigger that only HE can see. When I thought about this, I felt so terrible and selfish for complaining. Often times we grow weary in our well doings especially in a season where PARENTING is our main focus. We feel inadequate, exhausted, and overworked. Quick Question?How we do think our husbands feel, when they work all day, come home and we are complaining about how they need to help out more etc, Listen, make sure you comment so I don’t feel alone here.
- Have a CONVERSATION. Now this should be common sense, but what I’ve learned over my 5 1/2 yrs of being married is sometimes, the issue is that we do not know how to properly communicate. We hear but don’t listen. We get into our feelings and shut down.Sometimes, one person may be afraid to honestly communicate their thoughts and feelings because things don’t change. Here’s what helps me in my conversations: coming to the table with some solutions to the problems. For instance, Stephen and I agreed on times he will FaceTime and/or call in the morning and at night to communicate with the children. Simple, but effective.
- Plan and Improvise. Will you two always get to sneak out for a date night? Absolutely not! When you factor in babysitters, time, exhaustion rate or even funds, going out for a date night is not always possible. THAT’S Okay! Pinterest is FULL of date night ideas, create a board, and save some!
- Stop Comparing: Let me repeat this one more time. STOP COMPARING. We may have that friend whose husband is home in the morning to help or home by dinner so they have family dinner every night, or how about the husband who works from home, so he has more flexibility, or the husband who is a SAHD? I mean the list can go on and on and yet we will find ourselves still comparing. Thinking they may have it easier, because they have more time, resources, etc. The comparison game will leave us in a state of confusion. Nothing but the devil. I absolutely love when my husband is at home, peace falls over our home like no other. However, I am learning that I must enjoy when he is at work, because that’s where God needs him for the moment. I must take my prayers and petitions to God, and if it’s his will for my husband to join us at work and we both work from home, he will do it in his own time. Here’s another small tip that I picked up from Jerry Savelle : Whatever you are believing God for, research the scriptures, and mediate on them, day and night.