Before I go any further with this let me say, I dedicated this rant to a topic I heard on the radio station. It’s been a month since I heard it because it’s such a touchy subject I debated about talking about it.
Since I couldn’t get it out my mind and I missed the window to call in and voice my opinion I figured this would do.
A lady called in a radio station confused as to why her husband was having such a hard time with her newfound passion for following Christ. She shared his main concerns which was her spending too much time away from the home on ” church activities”. Of course, she went on to share more about how they would go to church together, but as of late her attendance along with the children was more frequent than his. The result of this was lots of tension and argument in their home. As always the radio host gave her thoughts but opened the calls us to hear the readers thoughts. At this point, I was turned all the way in. I found myself driving a bit slower than usual because I was so wrapped up in hearing what folks had to say.
Here are some of the caller responses I remembered:
- Well if he doesn’t want to go, you can’t force him -AGREED
- She should have thought about this -SEMI AGREED
- His issue, not hers.- Help them, Jesus
I don’t want to assume this man is an unbeliever but two things came to mind. One, maybe he isn’t dedicated in his walk with Christ as much as she is and Two, something happened where he is against going to church. Unfortunately, both of these assumptions are so common. The worse thought that came to mind, is what if these two are unequally yoked? Jesus be a fence.
Before Stephen and I became one, we attended church together. Nothing serious like it is now, we would go hear the word, give our offering and tithes and leave. Never became doers of the word as much as we are now. I should not say never, but it wasn’t consistent, we didn’t strive to do it every day. This impacted us a lot after we got married. There were times in our marriage when I knew we needed to cling to God, and I would be there to intercede for the both of us. Unfortunately, this is common, many wives carry the spiritual weight for both the wife and husband. While society views this as common I have to be honest, it’s not the way God intended things to be and it will create some tension in a household… if you allow it.
I can remember when God instructed me to fast. It took my journey from here to there in months, Radical change as the saints would say. It was so amazing to me I couldn’t stop talking about God for days. I would share so much and thought Stephen was on the same train as I was. That’s not to say he wasn’t interested in hearing what I had to say, but it was overwhelming. Anything new, done too much is overwhelming no matter what it is. After awhile I would pick fights with him because I did not know any better. I would do stupid things like leave the bible on his side of the bed, buy him Christian books and stack it on the night stand. Thank God Stephen and I have a sense of humor so we laughed and continued to laugh about it but I was being pushy. He knew that but he was also grateful. At least that’s what he told me LOL.
As a married couple, sometimes we forget we are individuals merging together to become one. Don’t want to burst your bubble but, It takes time and you can’t force someone to change just because you have, that’s the work of the Holy Spirit. FYI, the Holy Spirit does not need your help.
What I can say is that we can intercede for our spouse and lift them up in prayer. If you are like Stephen and I, you are breaking the norms of what you saw growing up and what you were exposed to. It’s hard because sometimes you have no one to go to for spiritual marital advice. I had to highlight spiritual because anyone can give you marital advice but I won’t advice that is aligned with our beliefs. Being on a spiritual journey together as a married couple is not always easy but very necessary. Let me tell you. We struggle just like everyone else.
If I was a caller, I would have suggested she continue to lift her spouse up in prayer and learn to balance her new activities with her home responsibilities. As women, we think we can be and do everything and it’s a lie. Don’t fall for it. One thing for sure is that we must take care of our homes, our family is our first ministry. I learned this the hard way, took me years to get it together. ( I’ll talk about this at another time)
However, if that caller’s situations resonated with you, choose your battles wisely. Some things you can not beat with your words unless it’s through prayers. Get very specific in your prayers not only for your spouse but for you. As wives, we have the ability to win our husbands over with our quiet and gentle spirit. Jesus, I’m still working on this. Hows your disposition? Are you being annoying and acting like his mother? Are you being sarcastic and mouthy? It doesn’t matter how long it takes you and your spouse to be on one accord to when it comes to spiritual growth. Celebrate the small things, him initiating prayer, him building you up with his words, helping you keep the faith when your cup is running on empty. Those are characteristics of our sweet Jesus that we sometimes overlook. Slowly but surely, the work of the Holy Spirit will show but remember to stay in your lane.
PS. I was 28 weeks in these photos. Time is flyinggggg!