What happens to your marriage after the baby arrives? A topic most of us avoid talking about, privately or publicly. No one wants to admit when things are a tab bit rocky in their relationship when it should be the complete opposite. This should be one of the most joyous times couples get to share with one another, well why does it feel like all HELL broke loose?
As most of you know, we just welcomed our 3rd child, Star Rose. As much as I want to say the past seven weeks have been filled with nothing but love, peace, and joy, I would be LYING! The transition of welcoming a newborn into your life is exhausting, yet exhilarating. Can I just say exhausting again because Gosh I am so tired! LOL
I know for a fact that there is a way to have a loving marriage and raise children, happy children who witness and experience their parents love each other. God created it, so I know it’s possible!
Let’s keep it real, the stages of parenting will test your marriage and remind you that MARRIAGES TAKE WORK, (cues Rhianna, work work work work ).
Those first few weeks, things are just so overwhelming.I’ve already asked God to forgive me for acting like a complete nutcase the first 4 weeks of Star’s existence. Jesus, things were so crazy, I was starting to scare myself!
As moms, we are so focused on nurturing the baby that we forget to nurture our spouses and the marriage. If we continue down this road, we will miss the opportunity God is giving us to draw closer to our spouse. Instead of looking back on those weeks and hearing my husband say, you were so out of it and distant from me I want to hear the both of us laughing at how those first few weeks were stressful and exhausting but we never let it interrupt the peace within our home and especially in our marriage.
Here are some of some things I’ve learned along the way.
Pray– Of course this one is first! You need God’s strength, guidance, and wisdom during this time. Honestly, you can’t make it without it. Pray for your spouse, your marriage, and your family. Ask God to help you be the wife + mom he created you to be.
Give Grace. To one another and especially to yourself.I shared this on my insta-stories one morning. Somewhere along this journey of being a wife and mom, I’ve accepted and learned that I am not going to be a good wife, mom, daughter, friend every single day.The same goes with Stephen and I must accept that.
Control those HORMONES: Can we please get ahold of our hormones and baby blues. MY GOD! Those feelings come and take over us without an ounce of notice. It’s so scary, I know but we have the power to control it. Let’s not use this as an excuse or crutch, own your feelings and deal with them.
Speak your spouse’s love language I can’t stress the importance of this one. If you haven’t read the Five Love Languages, I highly recommend reading it. It truly helps you understand your spouse and the way they desire to feel loved. Loving your spouse through their love language is the way to their heart and a way to become emotionally connected.
Make time- Unfortunately, date night is the first thing to go out of the window when a newborn comes aboard. However, that shouldn’t stop you from getting creative so you and your spouse have alone time. Remember that, making your marriage a priority, can’t happen if time isn’t being spent together. I know the days are long, but even taking fifteen minutes to do something together without it being about the baby or talking about the baby helps.
Stop Comparing– Comparison robs you, not only of your joy but your peace. The number one comparison I have heard and experience is who is tired? Both spouses are exhausted, just in different ways. Another comparison is looking at other marriages and seeing what their spouse does and doesn’t do.
Communicate-I can’t stress this one enough, probably because it’s one of the things I don’t do very well with Stephen. Guilty of charge! Can’t even I just admitted that and especially for the world to read. Sidenote: It takes grown women to admit and own up to her STUFF! Seriously, learning how to properly communicate with your spouse takes time. Am I the only one who feels like God gave my husband the gift of mind reading. I truly feel like sometimes he should just know what I am thinking. We’ve been together long enough for him to just know! That’s the line we tell ourselves when we realized we didn’t communicate what we want from our spouses. Tell your spouse what you need from them. Sometimes Stephen and I have expectations talk. What we expect from one another during whatever season we are in.
My prayer is that during this season that we will continue to glorify HIM by loving our spouses and raising our children. Don’t get caught up in anything else but that. Our first minitry is our family!